Embracing Rebuke: A Path to Growth and Wisdom

By. Matt Schiesser

No one likes rebuke. At least, not at first. Rebuke inherently involves confrontation. Not necessarily the kind that leads to heated arguments or fistfights, but a confrontation nonetheless. It boils down to the stark reality of being told, “You are wrong.” This is at the heart of every rebuke: a direct challenge to something we've said, done, or believed, showing it to be out of step with God’s truth. Despite our natural aversion to it, the wisdom of the Scriptures teaches us the value of engaging with rebuke.

“Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it.”
Psalm 141:5 (ESV)

“It is better for a man to hear the rebuke of the wise than to hear the song of fools.”
Ecclesiastes 7:5 (ESV)

In this article, I want to explore three crucial categories that help us understand and process rebuke. By framing our thoughts around these categories, we can discern whether a rebuke should be heeded or dismissed. Furthermore, I will reflect on how the Cross embodies these principles.

1. The Category of Truth

The first category is truthfulness. This means assessing the nature of a rebuke in relation to God’s reality. A rebuke is true if it corrects our previous misunderstandings and aligns us with God's truth. Conversely, a rebuke is false if it distorts this reality, such as calling good evil and evil good (Isaiah 5:20). Such rebukes should be dismissed outright. However, true rebukes should be taken seriously, as they are instrumental in our growth in wisdom and understanding.

“Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning.”
Proverbs 9:9 (ESV)

In the moment of receiving a rebuke, it can be challenging to discern its truthfulness, especially if it evokes strong emotions. This difficulty underscores the importance of the next category.

2. The Category of Grace

The second category is grace. Just as truth and grace came through Jesus (John 1:17), a rebuke must be delivered with both truthfulness and graciousness. The manner in which we communicate a rebuke can be as significant as the content itself. When we need to confront a friend, spouse, church member, or colleague, we should remember that we, too, were once told “you are wrong” (Ephesians 2:1, 4:18) and received grace (Ephesians 2:5).

Grace does not mean avoiding rebuke altogether. Often, avoiding confrontation is a form of cowardice disguised as graciousness. True grace involves courageously offering rebuke with the goal of repentance and reconciliation. The path to repentance will vary depending on the person and situation, leading us to the third category.

3. The Category of Friend or Foe

The third category is discerning whether the rebuke comes from a friend or foe. This applies both to the one giving and receiving the rebuke. Scripture illustrates this concept:

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”
Proverbs 27:6 (ESV)

When rebuke comes from a friend, we should generally trust it as faithful and true, even though not all rebukes from friends are correct (consider the example of Job’s friends). This category also helps us be wise in how we deliver rebuke. We must not be naive (Matthew 7:6; 10:16).

For friends, rebuke should come from a place of mutual respect and shared faith in Christ (Ephesians 4:1-3). For enemies, our words should still be gracious but also designed to convict, leading them to repentance.

The Cross: The Ultimate Rebuke

The death of Jesus on the Cross represents the greatest rebuke of all time. It is God’s ultimate “you are wrong” to humanity, addressing the sin of our first parents in the Fall (Genesis 3:6-7) to our personal transgressions today.

In terms of truth, Paul explains in Romans that all humanity, Jew and Gentile alike, stands condemned before the Cross (Romans 3:10). The Law of God, epitomized in the Ten Commandments and hanging on true love (Matthew 22:37-40), serves as the standard against which all rebukes are measured. The Cross starkly reveals our wrongness.

Regarding grace, the Cross is the perfect example of a rebuke enveloped in grace. Our sins were not ignored or swept under the rug; they were exposed and punished. Yet, it was Jesus who bore the punishment, not us. This is the essence of grace: a gift of unearned favor (Romans 3:24).

As for friend or foe, the Cross transforms our status from enemies of God (Ephesians 2:3) to friends of God (John 15:12-14). This means that, in our Christian journey, rebuke from God is akin to a loving father correcting his child rather than a judge condemning a criminal.

Conclusion

No one likes rebuke at first. However, we would be wise, and grow wiser still (Proverbs 9:9), to learn to value and embrace rebuke. It is a critical part of our growth in Christ.

Rebuke, when approached with truth, grace, and a discernment of relationships, can be a powerful instructor. By integrating these principles into our lives, we can transform rebuke from a painful experience into a path toward growth and enlightenment, learning to welcome correction as a stepping stone to greater wisdom and understanding.